i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
