Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
