I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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