i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
