You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
