Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just high enough for therapy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize