I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
