babies were throwing up all over the place
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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