remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
