I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Houston, we have a blender
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
