chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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