He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
