hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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