I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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