You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
