you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
