You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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