I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
