OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
