The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
FUCK WHALES
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