I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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