my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
