we have officially lost it.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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