My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just cut my nipple shaving
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
