Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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