I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
