Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
