I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
