True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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