Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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