could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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