My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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