I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
