Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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