hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
