I love black thongs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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