how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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