so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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