My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
