I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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