Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
