I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
