My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you inspire me to be a worse person
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
