I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
