i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
