Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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