i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
