Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
