I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
