Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
