All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Boobs are out for the taking
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
