We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
