My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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