There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
