I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
