I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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