i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
