Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
