soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
