Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
