2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
