the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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