you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
