I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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