uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
