i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
