I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
